life of imitation
by bonfires
Summary: Plunging someone to their death always makes for a good first impression.


**A/N**: Yuffie's present for the Secret Santa Event; I tried my best, and most likely failed. Hope you enjoy it anyway. Happy holidays!

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to its respective authors.

* * *

><p><strong>life of imitation<strong>

"try not to kill us this time around."

* * *

><p>(<em><strong>Rule #1: Never keep the Great Ninja waiting … EVER.<strong>_)

Ventus ran up the balcony steps two at a time, sprinting with the composure of a boy who had just been lit on fire. Really, that was an understatement. There wasn't any real explanation to it; he was just hoping he wouldn't be killed in the next five minutes. Death seemed imminent, and so when he reached the top, he nearly collapsed, chest heaving with heavy pants and eyes trained upwards (if he was going to die, he was at least going to do it right).

Yuffie, on the other hand, arched an eyebrow. ''And who are _you_?'' She folded her arms, nudging him with the tip of her boot.

''Terra's replacement. He got sick today and felt bad that he couldn't make it, so he sent me instead.'' The blond grimaced right afterward, realizing how utterly lame it sounded.

''So what, he couldn't just call and cancel it?'' She rolled her eyes.

''I…don't know?'' he blinked, confused. ''I guess he just wanted to keep it a surprise.''

The ninja yawned. ''Right then. If you'll excuse me, I'll just be on my way. I've got more important things to do than watch over some kid.'' She spun around, beginning to make her way across the expanse downwards.

The boy sat upright, offended. ''I'm not a kid!''

She snorted, stopping short. ''Then what are you?''

''Uh …''

''Nice. Well, see you later!'' She mock-waved, whistling but was stopped by a gigantic key that twirled around her before spinning back to him.

''…Another keyblade wielder?''

''Is that bad?''

Yuffie shrugged. ''I've been seeing a lot around, lately.'' She took a minute glance at his face, and sighed. ''You're going to treat me to lunch, right?''

Ven nodded, waving the wad of bills Terra had stuck in his pocket earlier. ''Yep.'' He noticed the way her eyes automatically magnetized to the money, a strange glint forming around her irises.

''If you don't get up right now, I'm leaving.''

He gaped for a second or two, and then scrambled to his feet with the grace of a donkey. ''I'm up, I'm up!'' Ven gestured at the staircase with a smile. ''You don't think we're going to walk there, do you?''

''I was thinking more in terms of jumping off the roof, but what did you have in mind?''

He straightens up; noting the bored expression on her face, and internally vowing to make the great Yuffie Kisaragi he'd heard about smile at least once in her lifetime. A quick burst of concentration, and the keyblade in his grip elongated, transforming into a gigantic hovering glider.

''What do you think?'' He asked proudly, puffing his chest out. ''Pretty awesome, right? I don't think Sora's ever done that before.''

She gazed at it for the briefest of seconds before deadpanning. ''Why didn't you just use that so you wouldn't arrive late?''

Ven balked. ''I didn't think of it before.''

She snickered. ''You might be even more of a moron than him. It's clear you're dying to talk to a babe like me. I don't blame you.''

He winced. ''H-Hey, I'm treating you, right?''

''Of your own volition?''

''Do you want to drive it?'' The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, and then she's suddenly standing in front of him in the flash of an eye, ruffling his head. He recoils, cerulean eyes widened again, but then she's already crawling all over his keyblade glider.

''Cute.'' She exhales, poking at it with her ninja star and planting her hands on her hips. ''It looks more breakable than Cloud's fancy bike.''

He blubbers incoherently again, and she raps his forehead with a free knuckle, hopping on agilely and fiddling with the steering. Hesitatingly (_fearing for his general well-being_), he goes on after her, and in no time she's maneuvering it upward, coasting into the air.

The blond starts to calm down, thinking that it won't be so bad when she gets a demonic smirk on her face. ''Let's see how fast it goes.''

''N-no! You're not ready! You don't even know where we're supposed to be going!'' Ventus pleads with desperation saturating his tone, arms wrapped around anything that'll give him better leverage.

''Hell yeah I am!'' she glances back once at him with hazel eyes, and the look's got him calm for a second (_which is the craziest thing, considering he's about to be murdered_).

And then they race off to their death and inevitable doom.

Well, not quite.

(_**Rule #2: Don't take the Great Ninja lightly.**_)

Through a combination of luck, ingenuity, skill, and Ventus screaming random directions he thinks won't get them smashed into the pavement, they managed to land the vehicle.

And by land, Ven means smashing into a tree, green leaves fluttering down in an emerald rain around them. Yuffie leaps down with not so much as a single scratch, while he's got sap dripping down his shirt and various scratches nicking his cheeks and arms.

Oh, and he also disrupted a hive of bees.

A few bee stings later, Ventus yelps, falling flat on his face, his battered keyblade morphing back and striking him right in the back. ''O-ow, that really hurt.''

''You're pitiful!'' she laughs at him, yanking him up by the nape of his shirt and strolling across the street. Pausing, she looks back at the boy to point at the building ahead of them. ''This one?''

The restaurant towers in front of them, all done up in red and gold and layered in that subtle, subdued way buildings take when they want to look refined. Ven groaned; of course Terra would have wanted to take her to the most expensive one in the whole town for a first date.

He nods, dusting himself off and rubbing furiously at the stickiness coating one side of his shoulder guard. ''That sounds correct.''

''Let's just get this over with.'' Yuffie barges into the place like she owns the place, pushing back curtains and hanging beads and lanterns with inscriptions scrawled on them. ''You won't need to pay, by the way, so don't check your pocket.''

''What do you mean?'' Ven's got his hands shoved in his pockets when he realizes that the money's gone. The keyblade bearer blanches. ''Wait, don't tell me you –''

''Welcome!'' The loud booming voice of the maître d' interrupts them as he sidles up next to them, greasy moustache and combed-thin hair more than nauseating to look at. ''A table for two?'' His eyes dart between the two, surprised. ''Aren't you both a little too young to be ordering from around here?''

''Yuffie Kisaragi. I'm with the shorty.'' She swings an arm around him so tight that he thinks there's more at work behind her seemingly amiable intentions.

Meanwhile, the waiter stumbles, nearly dropping the notepad in his hand in the process. ''You're the young lady who single-handedly defeated Wutai's Five Story Pagoda and saved the wo-''

She raised a hand to stop, suavely grinning. ''Oh, really. It was no big deal. You think we could get a free meal?'' Ventus can almost see her ego inflate, gears turning in her head as the waiter tries to pull himself together.

''…R-right away! It's all on t-the house! Have as m-much as you'd l-like!'' He backs away as if it's too much to be in the presence of a being of such immense power, leading them to the largest table and making a grand flourish.

When the man's taken both of their orders and ghosts away with an exhilarated beam plastered on his face, Ven cringes. ''What's _wrong_ with him?''

The ninja's got her feet propped up on the table, leaning back her chair's legs as she waggles a finger. ''Dunno.''

''Ah,'' Ven murmurs, attempting to reconcile the image of a typical hero with the brash tomboy sitting before him, and it just doesn't match.

* * *

><p>They're both waiting the time around twiddling thumbs and making half-hearted tries at awkward conversation by the time they realize they're surrounded, inevitably caught in a trap.<p>

Sadly enough, it isn't the management coming to wish them many thanks, but a whole gang rounded around the place, holding various weapons and cutlery in their hands.

''Yuffie, tell me you know these guys and that they're your best friends.'' Ven hissed across the table, curling up in an attempt to become as small as possible and sneak out when the coast's clear.

''I know these guys and they're my best friends.''

''You're lying!'' Ventus ducks his head down, hoping that he was at least semi-invisible as a beefy, heavy-set man stabbed a knife into their table.

''Kisaragi, we know all about yo' little 'treasure hunts', so don' try and pla' innocent, ya' hear!'' The stranger grunts, making a fist for emphasis and his camaraderie of men cheer and beginning sharpening their blades.

''We know ya' stole all our materia from us!''

''YEAH!'' The goons howl simultaneously, their voices reaching a crescendo.

''So now we're gonna' mess ya' up until ya' give it up!''

''YEAAAAAH!'' They stomp their feet so hard the chinaware rattles loudly on their table, and Ven makes his final prayers.

The whole time, Yuffie keeps up a steady poker face. When they're done roaring at her, she shrugs nonchalantly. ''Sure, if you can catch me.''

The next sequence of events is a blur, at best.

He remembers fighting off two of the goons off with the blunt end of his keyblade as Yuffie weaves through the crowd, scoring roundhouse kicks and uppercuts nimbly, lightning-quick on her feet. She doesn't touch the gigantic ninja star hanging off her back even once; really, she doesn't need to. The girl can kick their asses just as easily without it.

All in all, it takes about five minutes for her to utterly decimate the gang to one shivering, puny individual cowering under her bright, anticlimactic smile.

''I'm going to take all of their materia now, if that's alright with you.''

In response, the man flees for his life as the ninja-slash-thief begins scooping up the colorful orbs littering the floor with two hands, deftly stuffing them in her pockets and piling them on her arms until it's just about bursting.

''Well, don't just stand there! Help me pick them up!'' The girl barks, jolting him out of his dazed trance.

So Ventus obliges, carrying up his own stock of the strange balls until his own arms are weighing him down. ''Aren't we going to eat?''

She glares at him pointedly. ''Who has time to eat? We _trashed_ this place. We have to get out of here quick, unless the idea of paying for the all the damages somehow appeals to you as a human being.''

''Good point.''

As they're leaving the scene of the crime, Ven blinks. ''What are these things, anyway? Marbles?''

Yuffie shoots him a withering stare. ''Crystallized mako, duh.''

Ventus decides not to inquire any further, although they do warrant peculiar looks as they escape the place, plowing down the sidewalk and through two alleyways. Once they're far enough, the boy decides to speak up again.

''So, what did you think of the ... date?'' He mutters, twisting his head left and right to see above the pile of materia carted along his arms.

There's a tangible halt as she skids to a stop, and he almost bumps into her.

''Not bad.'' Yuffie finally says, and he can't see her expression. ''But better luck next time, twerp.''

''Aw, shoot.'' He groans, softly chuckling. ''Guess I failed.''

She snickers again, twirling on one foot to face him and shoot him a genuine smile. ''Thanks for the materia … and your money.''

Caught off guard, he sighs, jostling the globules in front of him. ''All in a day's work.''

(_**Rule #3: Always bring the Great Ninja materia; she also takes her payment in treasure or cash.**_)


End file.
